16 days (on my doorstep, part 2)

So some of you will have read my first story "on my doorstep" were i fell head over heels with my neighbour who i then discovered had a girlfriend.. cue heartbroken me. 

I havent seen the girlfriend back since.. not since i landed at his door and told her what was happening. But that doesnt mean hes not with her. Afterall.. hes a fantastic liar. 

Since then.. i have remained hopelessly in love with him as he dips in and out of my life. Made worse by the fact that when i literally look out my bedroom window i look directly at his. He dangles me.. he pops up every so often starts talking to me like he did before and that nasty little feeling called "hope" pops up and then what does he do.. he disappears. I've tried cutting contact- and without fail he raised his head everytime. I deleted him off snapchat- so he whatsapped- i removed him from there so he texted- I asked him to leave me alone so he landed at my wall when I was in my garden. Yet when I ask him does he still care about me and/or want me back.. hes either evasive in his answering "i'm not answering that.. I cant" or he flatout ignores me. 

I miss the way he was. I miss the person I thought he was. 

Now you might ask "why on earth does she want a lying cheater? Is she THAT stupid" Trust me.. i ask myself the same thing. I swing between missing him and wanting him to go to hell. I feel hurt and confused and i dont know which version of him was true.. how could he fake that connection? The sad thing is i want him. I hadnt felt like that for someone in so long.. and I'm struggling so hard. As I said I've removed him from my snapchat, I've deleted his number.. because ya know.. drunk messaging and voicenotes.. I had become the queen of that. Its been 16 days now of no contact and hes not raised his head this time. I think it might finally be over.. and im torn between thinking its for the best and being absolutely gutted.