Not one fucking ray

There is no sunshine anymore. The clouds are too thick to even see one fucking Ray of sun.
I have deep problems in approaching to relationships, but faith didn't help me in either...
Why the hell is that a person want to meet you only if you'll have sex together, but doesn't want to meet you for a drink or for a day out - but, hey no, he Does care about me, he told me.. Why shouldn't I believe him?
Oh, maybe because he now has a 'girlfriend', but he would always have sex with you when he comes around London..
Maybe because when you met he said that he didn't want any relationship because he was too busy, too hard bla bla bla..
How dare you? How even possibly think that I can have sex with you at your order?
Do you have a heart when I pray you to meet friendly but you reject and refuse if not on your terms?!
Reality hurts... I've lost hope in humans again, and before all, in myself.
Now I have a friend with benefits who only wants the benefits, a something more than a friend who only wants to be friends and an ex I want back who ghosts me constantly.
What's next, life?!