21 and now

Before lockdown, I was a 21-year-old woman who had never even been kissed. Whilst I knew this didn’t define me as a person (and also was relatively normal), I had always felt horribly self conscious about it. I had always felt like I couldn’t initiate in situations where I was interested because I didn't know what I was doing. However, in the summer one of my close friends who I'd always had a flirty relationship with became single. As soon as I found this out, I knew things were likely to start up between us, and they did. After a few months of sexting and snapchat he finally came down to visit, and I proceeded to have my first kiss, first time, first everything - all in the same night! I felt completely comfortable around him, and it felt completely natural for things to progress as quickly as they did. We're still seeing each other now, but we're not in a relationship and I doubt we ever will be. He's probably my first love, but I know we aren't compatible long term, and I'm okay with that. I've watched and come to terms with my perception of relationships completely changing this year, and in so many ways I feel like a different person. Above all, my confidence has sky rocketed - no more thinking I'm not experienced enough to act on my feelings! My only regret is we live at opposite ends of the country, and I WISH I could see him more. Sure, things might end badly between us, but I'm not letting the fear of that stop me from enjoying our wonderful, beautiful 'now'.