9 1/2 weeks: Part 4 (The final chapter)

You moved in, you said you loved me and we were soul mates. You met my family and my best friend - at your insistence. Ten days later you decided you were not ready for another relationship, packed you bags and left. You’re sorry and you didn’t mean to hurt me. Again. You’re the very definition of love bombing. I’m broken in so many ways. I feel foolish and embarrassed. I believed all the promises and the declarations of love and contentment. I was willing to give up having my own children to be stepmum to yours. You introduced me to your mum. You then have the cheek to tell me that you were trying to convince yourself you were happy. I still have to see you at work. I’ll get over you, I’ve gotten over a failed engagement and a failed marriage, I’ve gotten over loosing babies, this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. But somehow the faith I had in true love conquering and the way you’d convinced me that I was your one and the ‘lost year’ where you’d gone back to her, being a year full of sorrow and regret over what you’d done to me in the first two lockdowns seems to sting more than all the other losses right now. Because I knew deep down I should of trusted who you showed me you were the first time. I’m telling myself that I tried and I’d of always thought ‘what if’ if I hadn’t. But my already battered, bruised and scared heart isn’t sure how it is going to recover from another loss. I hate you for making me love you. And I hate myself more for falling again.