No more dating app surnames

Not Faking: An update…

I got bored of the man ban and hit the apps end of November. Typical. I matched with a drummer boy. He was cute! Three dates later I just had that gut feeling he wasn’t that into me. He didn’t do anything bad, he was lovely. I just didn’t feel like he was crazy about me, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure either. So instead of doing that girl thing where we discuss male behaviour at length with our friends, I told him I didn’t think he was feeling it and that that’s ok, I’m a big girl. I was right. We wished each other all the best. I think that’s the difference between me and a lot of people who quiet that voice inside and instead try to flog a dead horse. I’m all or nothing, it’s a blessing and a curse. My therapist said I’m one of the 20% who were born ‘hyper sensitive.’ 
Before we cut ties, married man said I should only settle for someone who makes me feel amazing. Yeah, I know, he had a fucking nerve. But whether he meant it or not, it’s the only thing he said that I choose to believe. I talked to another guy. He was sooooo charming and dreamy. A real Blonde Jake Gyllenhaal, I kid you not! Sadly, he turned out to be a ghost, but I don’t take that personally. I think he had his own issues going on judging by his erratic behaviour. It’s a great breakthrough when you stop feeling ‘not enough’ and start accepting everyone’s just living through their own story. And sometimes you’re just a bit character. It’s ok, you’ll get the lead role in a better story.
The man ban is back on until my dissertation is done, but next time, I’m going to date old school. No social media stalking, no wasting time making 1 dimensional, virtual connections. No more surnames of Hinge, Tinder or Bumble clogging up my phone.