Hook Ups

During lockdown, oddly I’ve experienced happiness of levels I never expected I would. I got to experience so much of myself like I’ve never before. The long walks. Going to places alone. Meeting people that I’d have never done if it wasn’t for lockdown. Happiness doesn’t necessarily mean not being lonely. When the loneliness hit me, I looked for ways that I could escape that. It wasn’t just your generic “I need friends” sort of lonely feeling, but more “I need intimacy”. So what better way to get that than to hookup with people. I had some of the best sex I’ve had in my life. People from different cities and parts of the country. The most majority was during the end of the year about November/December. It was a lot, about 20 hookups during a few months. The more I did it the more I experienced and the more I’ve learnt about myself. To some of them I got attached which hurt a lot, the best way to forget about them was just to block them. 

With one of the guys I hooked up with four times. It was amazing. I experienced pleasure I have never before. But over time I said to myself. “Wtf am I doing, am I happy with this” the answer was “no” I was becoming sad and depressed for no reason. 

The moral of the story is that I never expected to enjoy sex so much and hate it at the same time. I wanted to cuddle, go for adventures. Not just the bed. I wanted more. I still do.