I’m not your girlfriend

I started seeing a guy in June. He was fun he had a car, was older. It was a change from the usual arty skater boys who are really into sound art and bringing down the patriarchy.

This guy felt different. He loved football, like really loved, at first I thought that’s good he's got a passion, but now looking back it should have been a warning sign but alas we carried on seeing each other for 8 months. 
One Friday recently I had a moment of realisation. 
I'm not his girlfriend 
He's not my boyfriend. 
Why am I putting up with his shit?
I am expecting him to change but he isn't going to and I am not going to. 
This isn't anything more than just a security of having someone to run to without the commitment of an actual relationship. 
It was the classic situation of I was obsessed with the person I had created in my head not actually him. 

So I ended things. It surprised him and if I'm honest it surprised me... for the first time in my adult love-life / whatever relationship that was, I put myself first. 
So this is a homage to me and not ignoring the voice in my head that I deserve better and that I am way fucking better on my own. 
Something I realised while laying in bed the other night was that I am not dimming my sparkle for anyone let alone a guy I met off Hinge who still brings his dirty laundry home to his mom.