‘The most attractive cage’

After two years together which were made up of 5 months of bittersweet dating, a year abroad, 9 months of living together, both of us getting COVID, and 4 cycles of isolating from the world and each other, you decided you didn’t think we wanted the same things and we didn’t make each other happy. You ‘couldn’t guarantee to endure at all times the confinements of even the most attractive cage’ (your favourite Emilia Earhart quote). 

Then I saw your new profile on Hinge. With a photo I took of you on our first date together after a year of distance. And the photo I took of you on our first and only Christmas living together, where you’re eating the food we cooked together and all the decorations I bought you as advent presents are hanging on the tree in the background. I can’t explain how much that hurt. It hurt more than the breakup. When you broke up with me I lost you. With those photos I lost my perception of you. My trust in you. My trust in myself. My ability to trust any man on Hinge. 

After 2.5 years of thinking I have known you, I realise I don’t think I have any idea who you are if you could look at those photos - stills of really intimate and important memories - and think “yeah, that’ll get me my next date”.

After 2.5 years of thinking I have known you, I’m finally able to say fuck you. Fuck you and your new Hinge profile.