Thoughts of you

And if only you knew my thoughts still wander back to you: when the rest of the world is silent with slumber, when I'm sat on the floor of my shower cubical withh hot water reddening my back. I hear your haunting laughter in every podcast that pulls me into sleep, and when I wake, jolted and confused, the idea of you lulls me back unto an unconscious realm of you and I. The tides of missing you pull me in like the gravity beneath my feet and it's suffocating. It's deafening, drowning in all the infamous inside jokes and nicknames that will never escape my lips again. I'm choking on the thoughts of you with her, the new stories and the new endings. You said it was me, you made me believe it was me. But the waves of your attention ebb and swell, they don't even tiptoe up my shores anymore and it's so empty, so mudane. The air has lost the salt and adventure and the days cascade into one because you're not here anymore. Everything is the palest shade of blue and there's a hue on the surface that never quite makes the mark. I wish I could wash you out from under my skin, scald your pretty words off my tongue, bleach the fantasy of you out of my waking minutes. But they've become melded with my flesh, they're beginning to shape my days: the films I choose to watch, the stories I choose to follow. I've never quite met an ocean as vast as you and there's nothing I can do because all those months ago, you had pulled me under.