Falling at 50
I was not looking for any romance after the demise of my 16 year marriage that relocated me to the UK. Having been scheduled to relocate to Northern Ireland for my job, that was cancelled as lockdown took hold. I had to commit to resettling in my home in the southwest at the start of the pandemic.
Having so much freedom and change was exhausting at 50, but I landed on my feet and found a great house share that kept me safe and sane during the first lockdown. During that time a mutual acquaintance introduced me to a local artist I'd never heard of. We chatted online, and I had no idea anything would come of it. Several months later, when restrictions were finally lifted, we agreed to meet for a coffee. Just a coffee, I told myself. I didn't want a relationship. I felt happy being alone and expected to be that way. But a coffee couldn't hurt.
It turned out to be a great decision. There weren't fireworks. I don't know if you can have them at 50. But there was definitely a spark, and a lot of common ground, and most importantly shared morals, values and beliefs that made it easy to trust and explore our growing friendship. I had a work assignment back in Northern Ireland and knew we would be apart for a month, just three months after we met. We missed one another terribly. We joked that if another lockdown was enforced, we would hate to be apart so we would just stay together. And when lockdown measures were reintroduced in November 2020, that is just what we did. I hadn't even unpacked from my work trip, and I showed up at his place.
I kept my room as a backup. My friends were concerned about my choices. Frankly, so was I. But I knew I had a get-out plan. The day arrived for the start of lockdown and just before leaving my office for the last time, I took a phone call from the NHS. A long awaited knee operation I had anticipated being scheduled for January was pushed forward two months. Nervously I told my new partner that I would not think less of him if he did not want this burden, it wasn't what we planned to do and I would understand completely. His insistence that he wanted to look after me as I recuperated from my operation was so touching, so kind. I could not believe that this man who barely knew me was so concerned about my welfare.
Two weeks later I had major reconstructive knee surgery, and to his credit he took my care very seriously. Cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring me to the doctor all were taken in his stride. I saw his love for me grow as my respect for him grew too. We had the best Christmas either of us had in years, and everything was just so lovely, so easy, so right. I'm sure my recovery was down to his excellent care.
Months went by, and I knew it was time to finally settle into the life I would have had without the pandemic. Although we both always knew I would move into my own place at some point, I don't know that either of us were prepared for how much of a toll it would take on our hearts. Despite staying together, that step back from intimacy was a real bump in the road for us. But I felt galvanised in my resolve when I spoke to others who had fallen into cohabitation like we did, but regretted their decision to make it a permanent arrangement.
We've spent the last year learning how to be a couple apart. We've had our bubble so during the remainder of lockdown we could still be together. It was hard, but also that step back helped us learn how to communicate, how to be ourselves on our own, and to see that as time went on our love grew more and more.
It may not be how I would have imagined falling in love again. But who can say at 50 what that may look like? We are both now 52, and happier together than ever. Moving back in together is an option we've started discussing. This time it will be our choice and we will have an opportunity to go into it with our eyes wide open, already knowing more about the other person from that wonderful 4 months of trialling it out.
I truly believe the pandemic brought out everyone's true character. Some people became anxious or selfish or angry, some people became kinder and more accepting, and some people just wanted to get on with living life as best they could no matter the circumstances. So I'd say in many ways that experience was a gift, and my life would likely be incredibly different if this relationship wasn't shaped by the pandemic and its limitations that for us at least became opportunities to see the best and worst of each other.