Back to the Future

How many times can you go round in the same loop? The same loop that makes me feel utterly worthless, unloveable, unwanted. The highs don’t outweigh the lows anymore, yet I can’t let you go. I want you to want me, fight for me, love me - but you never do. You treat me as if I’m disposable, you take me for granted. You’re never there when I need you, but I’m there for you in an instant. Always dependable, always full of love for you. You say you love me, but it never shows. The actions don’t match the words and which am I supposed to believe? You apologise, you cry, you say you don’t want to lose me but the behaviour continues and I don’t feel loved.

I thought you were my future, I thought we wanted the same thing. But now, all you do is push me away and I’m torturing myself by staying, but I can’t give you up.

You asked me “are you sure we’re over for definite?” Everything in my head was screaming YES. But my heart stopped me, my body froze and I couldn’t breathe. I should have said yes. I should have said yes.