Being an uncool girl
Before this year, I would have happily described myself as someone who isn’t really affectionate, especially not in public. I don’t know why I gave myself this persona, but I guess in the past I found that not coming across as “lovey” or “clingy” helped me to keep a boy’s attention.
I had just moved back to London and was ready to start dating when everything started to close. I downloaded Hinge anyway, but most conversations were dying out after a few back and forths... except his.
A few weeks in, he asked if we should try a video date. I was put-off by how awkward I thought it was going to be, but I really had no reason to be nervous. I felt so comfortable on the call compared to past dating situations, which I massively put down to not having the usual question on my mind of whether I was going to have sex with him. After that, we had loads more video dates and I felt close to him even though we hadn’t physically met.
Then, we finally went on a real life date and I was so annoyed with myself. My “cool girl” act was back. I was there pretending that I didn’t want any affection. When we kissed goodbye it was literally the worst kiss I have ever given because of the nerves of the pandemic, plus not wanting people to see me being “lovey” in public. I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to see me again. But somehow, he was up for it and I had a chance to redeem myself.
Over the next few months, I started to become the mushiest, most lovey person with him. When most of your dates are over video, you have to open up and talk more to keep building a connection. When you can’t have sex straight away because going to their house isn’t possible, you really enjoy the hugs in the park, kissing and holding hands.
I like to think that I would have ended up feeling like this if we had met in normal times, because he really is the best, but I have to thank the slower approach to dating for making sure I came into the relationship more openly. These days I am a self-proclaimed mushy person, and I love it.