Breaking

She was my first real love, 2 wonderful years of loving her. The relationship seemed perfect. She gave me confidence, love and appreciation. Taught me how to express myself, my emotions and helped me learn to love life, find happiness even in the darkest of days.
The first time in years I felt content and truly happy was with her. I showed her my love, wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and had already started planning it.
Then lockdown came.
At first it was difficult, it was rare for us to not see each other for months, but now we had to. Our messages turned robotic, I had to beg for her attention and affection. I was the one to initiate any times we would meet up when we could, never her.
I started to feel unwanted, I knew that she loved me and showed it physically, but with the distance, that was impossible. I stopped going out of my way to get her attention, stopped asking and began to treat her the same. 
Until one day, she said goodbye. "I can't do this anymore, it's breaking me" she said, with no consideration of talking through everything with me.
My best friend, first love, Kitten, my everything. Gone.
She haunts me in my dreams as I struggle with all the stresses of my life as they all come crumbling down on me. How much I would give to talk to her again, for her to allow me to rest my head on her chest as she told me everything would be okay and that it's all temporary.
Those two years felt like a coming of age film, the perfect teen romance; and now I'm stuck in reality, all alone with my anxious and self-deprecating thoughts, wishing I was good enough and blaming myself for hurting her.