Geography Lessons

I’ve found it really interesting reading all these lockdown love stories and have learnt quite a bit.

My story had quite a bit of history to it.
Throw back 10 years ago, I started at college and on my first day in geography met a guy who I really clicked with. I always felt there was a bit more than friendship there, but I pushed away any of his romantic advances. We were both quite shy people. Friends and family hinted we would end up together. I don’t really know why but this annoyed me that people were pushing this. I think a combination of this and that I thought I needed to be a better version of myself and that he could do better meant I pushed him away - a lot.

We went to different unis, he met someone, they became a couple. We were still friends but I felt I should distance myself even though there was still a connection there. I pulled myself away from that group of friends.

Over the years I still think about him a lot, but prior to lockdown hadn’t had any contact for a few years. I found out from a friend that they were engaged last year - it broke me, but I picked myself up and kept myself busy with friends. 

A few weeks into lockdown he messaged me - my heart skipped a beat! We caught up on the phone, it was like old times, we had a laugh, it was so nice to hear his voice, I’d missed him. We caught up another time and I apologised, he told me his fiancé had asked him a few years ago not to contact me, I was quite upset after that call, I think I realised I really messed it up. We agreed to keep in regular contact but then he just stopped messaging me.

3 months later I got a reply from him, he had to put his fiancé first and hopefully I could understand that. I was so upset, and living on my own and in a lockdown I couldn’t keep myself busy as I previously had. That was it, contact had to end.

Over the months and speaking with friends and family and reading stories on here I have come to realise I messed up but I have got to forgive myself and can’t keep blaming and hating myself. Who knows what the future will bring, I am just trying to forgive myself and put my trust in the timing of life and everything happening for a reason.