Inspo

Everyone tells me that I'm succeeding. That I'm inspiring them to pick themselves up off the floor, dust themselves off, and go and get what they want. Over the past 18 months I've worked in a brilliant job, been furloughed, been made redundant, had a crisis, picked up a dream job at one of my favourite places, and am working towards doing what I have dreamed of for years. I'm surrounded by the most wonderful family and friends. They all tell me to never change. That I'm bossing it exactly as I am. 

But the truth is, I feel the opposite. I keep comparing myself to my mates, because so many of them are in relationships, getting engaged, getting married. They're happy, contented, with someone. And I know that this shouldn't be a comparison I'm making. But it is, and I am. I've spent the last year realising that I can't make impermanent connections, that any frisky fun I have has to be remotely, with a stranger... because I've ended up catching feelings for the people that I know. Yes, multiple people, multiple genders. That was a fun realisation, too. There have been too many conversations, names mentioned, then lost connections.

Is it so wrong to just want to be loved?