Like a drug

It took my a while to get into dating apps, the first guy I chatted to was amazing, we’d text and talk for weeks. I naively could see this guy sitting next to me in years to come, I felt so fortunate I’d found the one first time round. Oh boy was I wrong. He started ghosting me, then the good old, ‘it’s not you it’s me’ statement came out. Wounded and empty, probably more so than when I split from my husband, I left it a month or so and went back on the apps. They’re like a drug that you can’t stay away from.

Guy number 2 was amazing, he raised the bar but the distance eventually put him off - or so he said. Why is it so hard to find someone who actually wants the same as you do?

I started talking to guy number 3 when lockdown down 2 was imminent. It would do us well to be able to know one another over messages and calls. After 3 weeks he’d become a staple in my life, my first and last thought of the day. But it ended when I asked if he’d like to join me and the kids for our Christmas dinner in 6 weeks time. Apparently it was too much commitment.

Whilst not necessary, it’s nice to have someone to show you caring and kindness you don’t often show yourself and that is what I miss, but I feel while the pandemic rules our lives I will not be able to find my forever person and it does make me feel sad. Maybe when I stop looking so hard, that person will find me.