Love lessons

I had always wanted to learn to play the cello.There was something about that particular instrument that always intrigued me, how beautiful it looked and sounded. So one of the things I decided to do after my marriage ended was to finally pull my finger out in my 40s and learn to play. Who wants to know what other riches this would bring into my life....

After a couple of years, when I became good enough at playing, I joined a local amateur orchestra. The professional leading the cello section was a handsome and charming young man called J. My first thought was, “what a shame he’s not gay, he seems so sensitive and kind”. When I needed to find a new cello teacher, I asked J whether he would offer me some lessons, which he gladly offered to do. This began in January 2020, every fortnight. Although I didn’t really consider the possibility of getting involved in any other way other than professionally with him. When he eventually told me that he was gay, I suppose there was always a silent, lurking question in the back of my mind as to whether anything might happen one day. 

Then came lockdown, and as our face-to-face lessons had to come to an end, I found myself texting J to ask whether he would like to go for a walk on Hampstead Heath. He accepted, and so we started a routine of meeting fortnightly, during which time our friendship quickly deepened and I felt that I got to know him much better. Every time we met, I found myself talking to a wonderfully thoughtful, interesting and spiritual man. Even though we would only meet once every couple of weeks, I felt that I had soon connected with him at a deeper level and was always looking forward to the next time I would see him. 

One very hot day, we lay next to each other on the heath, and I found myself wanting to kiss him. I didn’t dare do this, partly as he was my teacher, but partly as he was almost 20 years younger than me. Nevertheless, the urge was there and I listened to it. After this, I found myself thinking about him every day and longing to see him again. 

A few days later, I was on the Heath by myself and texted him a lovely picture of one of the ponds. He quickly replied to say he was also on the Heath and so we decided to meet up. My heart was thumping in my chest as I made the decision to ask him whether he thought there was anything going on between us. He said, “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it...”. This brought a smile to my face, although I also felt a sense of wariness as I wondered whether it was just a passing thought for him, which it clearly wasn’t for me at that point. Anyway, we agreed that there was no urgency, and then we could just see how things went.

A couple of weeks after that, we had a cello lesson over Zoom. Although the first bit went fine, towards the end I found it very stressful emotionally. We had held this initial conversation, there had been an acknowledgement of something between us, yet we were just pretending to be a teacher and student as if nothing had happened, and now I would have to say goodbye for another while. I anxiously said goodbye at the end of the lesson and switched off my computer in a way that it felt ridiculously abrupt.

That night, in bed, I decided that I would call him the next day and talk to him openly about my feelings. I did this, and told him how much I liked him. He said, in a rather awkward and formal way, that he felt the same and agreed that we should now stop being a teacher and pupil, in order to see whether we could develop a relationship. It felt incredibly grown-up, and almost as if we were signing a contract!

We went for a picnic a couple of days later, and it was a wonderful day. I kissed him as soon as we sat on the grass and that brief kiss felt like it was a little confirmation of something wonderful that was about to come. We are now six weeks into our relationship and it has been the most wonderful time. It feels that we have a bright future together as a couple and we care about each other very much. The cherry on the top is that we play cello duets together in the evenings, which is incredibly sweet.

I really don’t think we would have got together were it not for coronavirus. Our relationship wouldn’t have moved from our fortnightly one hour lessons and a casual hello at the weekly orchestra rehearsal to long, involved, walks on the Heath and all that followed on from that. 

I suppose a combination of music, mutual respect and basically love have been the foundation of what feels to be a very bright future together as a couple.