Holding hands in Melbourne

Melbourne. In our first lockdown, we were just new friends getting to know each other on socially distanced walks. Then lockdown ended and we spent 3 weeks sleeping together. I think we both feel like this has the potential to be very serious. 

But now we've spent 2 months apart during this second lockdown. The government says you can visit your 'intimate partner' and while neither of us are fucking anyone else, you still 'aren't sure if you're ready for a new relationship', so we're keeping our distance. 

I wish you'd just tell me what I want to hear. That you do want a relationship. Because I know I do. You say everything else that I want to hear, except that. And then I feel guilty and pathetic for thinking that way. 

So we're back to going for walks together. But these days we hold hands. 

And I found myself thinking about that blind Dutch man who broke my heart last year, who wouldn't hold my hand because he'd 'been that man' for his ex and he wasn't going to 'be that man' again. And I think of you and your ex, who you still mention often, and I'm just waiting for you to turn around and say the same thing, and drop my hand.