Blown

Universe came to my rescue! I asked for a sign and I was given a big one.

When I first saw you in October 2019, you gave me FuckBoi vibes. So 12 months ago when we started messaging in the midst of global pandemic, I was cautious. I wanted to see your intentions. Lockdown distance helped with slowing things down. You (at 42!) had moved in with your parents because you didn’t like being alone in your flat. I was living alone, with all my family abroad.You made every effort to try and convince me you were decent and woke. So red flags were there. But our long working hours, our similar background, your flirting/thoughtfulness at times and pandemic made me soften my judgement.  

When you failed to organise a lunch by end August as you promised to do after returning from your parents and disappeared for two weeks, I thought I will take the lead because I had enough. I wanted to date again but wanted to know where we stood.

I messaged you “I have started to like you and if you felt the same way, let’s meet. But I don’t think you do?” It took courage but it was liberating and important to clarify boundaries. I heard nothing for 3.5 weeks. Not even an acknowledgment.  

I found out on 30 September through someone (who had no idea you had been stringing me along for 12 months!) that you have a woman.

I texted you to say I am up to speed with gossip. I can’t believe I was so naive. You immediately responded “I don’t know what you mean? Feelings are not mutual. I don’t believe I led you on. Sorry if you feel that way.”  

There was still no mention of the other woman, because of course that would have confirmed you are a Fuckboi - not that this response didn’t! And if you were not leading me on then why did you wait for 3.5 weeks before responding and only after you knew I had found out! 

I then said - “if you are seeing someone else, just be honest instead of sending defensive responses like I didn’t mean to lead you on and sorry if you felt that way.”  

I got an angry response back saying you don’t need me to judge you (or who who you are seeing!). I don’t know you. My cryptic non-stop messages are weird. You are seeing someone. You are not looking for fun. You don’t want to see me or anyone else.

I calmly said “oh dear, didn’t meant to upset you. I will leave this here.” 

I deleted your number. You blocked me. 

I will not bore you with the childish things you have done since to show me you are not hiding her from me, are serious about her and in a happy place with her. 

How am I doing? I was genuine and honest in the last 12 months about my intentions, respect and trust for you. I started thinking of you as a friend. I had the right to know about the other woman, especially when I told you I have started to like you and if you are really as decent as you said you would have told me! Betrayed, sad, upset.

But for the sake of your support during Pandemic: I hope you grow up and stay well! And I am so grateful to that someone who blew your cover.