Sex in the time of social distancing

Covid-19 is a nightmare for a OCD eligible bachelor. I tore into my flatmate, who insisted on breaking all the rules, more importantly our bubble (we’re just friends). To the point I even started to call him, Dominic Cummings. After many months of ridicule from my friends about joining Hinge, I thought, why not? Fast forward a week, and believe it or not, she’s on her way over. She thought to herself “where is that man who likes to bathe in sanitiser?” And there I was. The panic was real, and deeply inset. But hell, my debut hinge date was metres from the front door. So like any OCD man, I let her in, sanitised her hands, and to my delight, she kept her mask on. We perched on the sofa, and shared stories and a few sharpeners from the corner shop. I feel this is the point to escalate the story to a naked young lady, with only her mask on. Is she for real? Is this a joke? No, she’s shielding for her Auntie. Taking this so very seriously, we proceeded to take it all the way, shielding only our faces, by way of the masks. As you can imagine, or in fact definitely not, it was most strange, but enjoyable none the less. We parted ways and I hope her Auntie is still safe. But most importantly, Dominic Cummings can never know.