Solo

Every time I went for a walk in my local park, I would see the "Lockdownlovestories" but avoided looking it up because I knew it would make me sad. 
Today I looked and yes I did cry but I was also so happy for the people who found each other.
I almost gave up on finding love - its been nearly 5 years since a man has touched me. I am so used to being alone and lonely and their were moments in lockdown I really just wanted to curl up and die. BUT in that time I learnt how to truly love myself and make love to myself. Also, as strange as it might seem I had someone to dream about, someone I fell for a long time ago but he didn't feel the same, he contacts me occasionally (probably when his desperate) and I am proud of myself for not falling for his charms again, but really appreciated having my fantasies about him because it is dark not to have anyone to think about.
Now when I walk in the park I smile more at everyone, not just men. I never do it to expect a smile back but when it happens it’s wonderful and it’s enough. I try to smile with my eyes when I wear a mask. Short conversations with strangers make me smile and I am blessed to have my health and nature is beautiful.
I love my family more than ever, my granddaughter is my world, and I still hope to share this love with someone who wants to receive it.