Back to square one

I was crying when he called me the first time, about happy things. He thinks way too much. You wouldn’t expect someone so clever to be so irrational. He says things I don’t understand and a lot the wisest person couldn’t grasp. I can though. 
I think he fancies me. It’s not that he wishes he didn’t, he doesn’t want to follow the same tragic tale as others do. He’s smart but can break me quickly. Unaware and without intention. He doesn’t love me or at least doesn’t think he does. A mutual adoration but my desires aren’t mirrored. 
Thoughts keep me up at night. His maturity, will and persistence is an unfair advantage, alas, my faith in him is more powerful than that of God. A vulnerability i’m nor ashamed of or willing to change. I only fall for the evil, I’m dumb devoted but I see him no differently to one I may meet at church, if not greater. 
Do I understand because I’m weak, wicked or fascinated? Or do I see beauty in danger? A destiny not a temptation, tho morality and self maintenance are over looked. The good man pleads at his knees tho she sits with the bastard across the lake. The bridge rotted away weeks ago and the water is ridden with jelly fish and crocodiles. Square one. Tho this time salvation has fogged and the desire to seek it has perished. Fools paradise.