Who knew

During lockdown, I worked hard on myself, and I soon was in the best place ever mentally, and happily single. 

But I got talking online to a man from my gym-I’d fancied him for a while, but he’s 25 years older than me so I never thought anything would come from it. 

Once we got talking, we couldn’t stop. We spoke literally everyday for 2 months, pretty much 24/7. We learned everything about each other, I opened up to him like I never have to anyone before-and we had amazing online sex!

However, I began to realise that our future plans didn’t align, he was spending lockdown in another country and didn’t know when, or even if he was going to return here, and this started to play on my mind a lot and make me feel down. 

My head and my heart were telling me different things. 

After avoiding it for a few weeks, I finally summoned up the courage to have the conversation with him. I decided that to protect my own feelings, I had to stop talking to him. He tried to persuade me not to, but eventually said he respected my decision and didn’t want to hurt me more in the long run because he couldn’t promise me anything-we both agreed it was for the best, and we said our goodbyes. I told him if he ever decided to come back here, he could message me. 

It was inexplicably painful.

It’s been two days and I miss him desperately, I’ve never felt so alone, my chest feels heavy. But I’ve resisted the temptation to message him-I now know that self care doesn’t always feel good.

Who knew you could fall in love and get your heart broken over the internet?