We were friends

We were friends, we met for drinks, we got excited, we saw each other in a new light, we started something I thought could last a lifetime. We didn’t tell anyone, we wanted it to be solid before we told our friends, people who might interfere with it. I told some colleagues, they told me we should ‘come out’ to our friends, be honest about how we were feelings. Months later lockdown happened. We couldn’t see each other, we lived too far away for secret walks together, but we made a list of all the things we’d like to do together once we were allowed ‘out’. That list contained weekends away. That felt solid, future building, real. I was naive. Finally we were allowed out. But he ended it. He wasn’t ready for serious, he was scared to tell our friends. Now all I keep thinking is, if lockdown hadn't happened would we be together? Or does that not matter? Was the bigger problem that he was always going to be too scared to tell our friends? Anyway, we didn’t get to come out of lockdown a couple or come out to our friends. I am devastated and I can’t tell anyone!