Working

The first time we met, you came to our office and i felt immediately drawn to you. You sat next to me to help, I silently took every part of you in, how good you smelt, I watched your hands and wondered how they would feel on me, you had an aura about you that made me desperate to please you, I looked up to you.

I had a good poker face for the next two years, I was in a committed relationship and so were you. We lived in different countries. Although when we had work related calls your voice made me melt. 

December 2019 we formed a closer work relationship, and I found myself unable to hold back telling you things about myself I hadnt faced up to myself yet. I had immediate trust in you, and felt I could let you in to the real me. Work chats soon turned to talking via social media occasionally outside work times. You were firmly in me even back then. 

Cue lockdown and working from home and we escalated. Thousands of txts, facetimes and hours on the phone. I missed someone I hadnt spent proper time with yet. You are passionate, driven, smart, you put up with my sassy ways and put me in my place and push me to believe in myself. You give me confidence and make me feel alive. Everything about you intoxicates me and I am desperate to be your daily escape. We became more loyal to each other than we did our partners.

We both took risks for each other and ended our long term relationships, and managed to meet up once before another lockdown. As soon as you wrapped your arms around me I knew every risk had been worth it. I held your hand and knew I never wanted to be without my safe place again. I savoured every kiss and the feeling of your hand around my neck. You marked me forever.

Everything around us is messy and complicated, but when its just us it all seems so simple. I try my best to be patient in the hopes that one day we will have our time. Until then, I will love you fiercely from afar, with my phone clutched to my hand. I am yours.