Never ever

It’s been a year since I last seen him. What followed was the most horrendous pain. A withdrawal in a way.
So much has happened since then, a lot of grief over the loss.
I thought I was getting better again, moving on, becoming happier.
Yet here I am, crying over what we were and the destruction we turned into. It hits in waves, just as I feel normal again.
I think I’ll always miss him, love him. Even if he was the best and most importantly the worst thing to ever happen to me.
The fight between my head and heart is never ending.
He’ll always be my Bear.
I’m sorry to my new love, for not loving like I know I can. But I’ll never let myself be hurt like that again.