Sunflowers
We first met two years ago; he was an old college friend of my then-boyfriend. He was an anomaly in the crowd. Whilst my then-boyfriend and most of his friends snorted cocaine and talked a lot without saying anything, we stood in a corner of the kitchen discussing travel and German literature. The attraction was instant. I had met someone who allowed me to take up space, to be myself, to be happy. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that fed and watered my PTSD, which I really couldn't see at the time. But as we were both seeing other people, we knew we couldn't keep in touch. And yet...he would occasionally resurface on Facebook Messenger, asking how I was and where I was. At one point I drunkenly messaged to say I missed him.
My relationship ended; I met someone else two months later, who moved in with me "for a few weeks" at the start of the first lockdown. After a year, the cracks were beginning to show; once again, I was not as happy as I was pretending to be. When he came into my life once again, I didn't hesitate in giving him my phone number. We messaged in secret for days, while my partner blocked out me and the rest of the world through his gaming headset. He was single. He missed me too. He had never forgotten about me. I was his 'favourite girl', and had been since I met him.
Eventually, I had to make a decision. I was treating my partner incredibly unfairly, and it was clear that that relationship was not going to run the course. A few weeks after we separated, I saw him again in person. It was everything I wanted and more. I couldn't stop smiling. On our second date, we went to an immersive Van Gogh exhibition. His face was all lit up from the yellow of those famous sunflowers.
Fast forward a couple of months. I'm currently in my own personal lockdown as I contracted Covid, in between vaccine doses, and have endured six days of the most horrific illness I have ever experienced. He offered to drop some essentials off at my door before work, so I messaged him a little list. I opened the door - masked, with him standing down the other end of the corridor - to a shopping bag adorned with a bunch of flowers. "Sunflowers," he explained through his mask (but I could hear his smile), "like in the Van Gogh exhibition. I thought you needed a bit of sunshine."
Yes, I definitely made the right decision.