I saw him being interviewed on YouTube

We met online. I saw him being interviewed on YouTube and thought he was gorgeous, although he’d unlikely ever believe that of himself. He writes music and the guy who interviewed him in that very video linked his Spotify so, naturally, I clicked it, liked it, and then followed him on Instagram before, finally, he posted the sort of story, openly talking about men’s mental health, that emboldened me to message him. I came home from India early - 5 days before lockdown and 45 days before the end of my world trip... the promise of him cushioned that blow. 8pm became our time and a happy month or so ensued of spilling secrets over a screen. He wrote me songs about flushed chests and the heart warming, happy things he’d tell his friends. It was him that re-inspired me to put pen to paper and write.... today, I still have my poetry account that he, unwittingly, encouraged, even though I do not have him: I never met him in person because he sobbed, beating lockdown in ending, but I adored him. I wish, still, to be engulfed by his arms. I want all the very best for him: A, I’m sorry you’re sad and I really like(d) you, too. I’m drunk and I hope you (don’t) see this.