Effort

Getting into a relationship during this pandemic and out of it within just 4 months might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but to me it has been the closest feeling I’ve felt to being in love.
I had just moved home from uni after 4 years to this small town where my parents live, not knowing anyone. I quickly managed to find a job and being the new face around, he noticed me straight away and would say hi whenever he saw me. It took a while til our stars aligned and we went on a date but once we did, everything else just clicked. Two weeks in of us spending almost every night together having the absolute best time, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And it felt right. It was both of our second ever relationship.
A month later the November lockdown hit and our only viable option seemed for me to move into his family’s house and spend it there together. And we were excited for it. While I was placed on furlough, he was still working full time, meaning we’d only see each other between 5-10pm when he was home and awake. It was working for a while but having the family around at all times evidently makes getting to know each other and being intimate more tricky. Our different sleeping schedules and energy levels as a result didn’t help either.
So in the new year I decided to move back home and see him only on the weekends, hoping that way would work better. But it became a routine and he started becoming less and less excited and present in the moment when I’d see him, or so I felt, often not even wanting to have me around for the whole weekend. And I get it, a partner’s independence is far sexier than their dependence.
I started having doubts, and so did he. But I was determined on finding a way that worked and keeping the spark.
Two days ago we had a conversation about it for the second time and he told me he wasn’t feeling happy and he was unsure as to why. He said he cares about me, despite having said I love you so many times, but that he isn’t ready to move out together so soon - an idea that we toyed with - due to his past negative experience, nor can he see any other reasonable alternative. And I get that too in a way, and I don’t blame him. But I also believe that making a relationship work, especially now, requires compromises and more effort than ever. Effort that may not be the most comfortable for us, but is beneficial for the relationship in the long-run. But that takes both parties to realise.