I got back in contact with him

I got back in contact with him.

I shouldn't have, but there was something screaming at me to "put the past behind you" and to "make amends". It's been nice... So far.

I've dealt with my anxiety, depression, and paranoia. I've almost made myself new. Sometimes, I feel it sneaking up on me, but the rest of the time, I feel peace.

My only concern now is that my barriers are so high, I don't think I can let anyone back in again for fear of going back where I once was.

I'm not sure whether any of this is a good thing. But I'm happy I dealt with the worst of me.