Leaps of faith

I met you online in September. I said no straight away, you looked like a player. You persuaded me that wasn’t the case. I took a leap of faith. We chatted offline, I found out you were chatting to lots of other women too and said bye. You persuaded me they were done with. I took a leap of faith. We met, you didn’t add up, I asked what it was, and you said you drank too much and took antidepressants. I took another leap of faith. We met again a few times and we got closer. Then I found out you had sex with sex workers, lots of them and used sugar baby sites. You said that was all in the past. That you only wanted me. That you wanted this to be something. That you were touched by my ability to see the good in you. I took a leap of faith. We had sex in the November. The text messages dwindled away to nothing. Then out of the blue a Merry Christmas. I tried to see the best in you and wished you a Merry Christmas. Nothing came back. I contacted you 2 weeks later, hurt and upset. We argued but you wanted to stay in contact. You texted me every day until I told you to stop. You didn’t ask to see me, you didn’t ask to speak to me, blamed the pandemic amongst other things. You still wanted to stay in contact, I let you, hoping that the good in you would finally show. That you would recognise my feelings and show me that the had value. It was my birthday this week. You didn’t message. I’m left feeling like nothing again. I have no more faith left, I am broken with trying to fix you.