Love or gratitude

I met you summer 2019 when life was still normal. After years of being single I risked it one last time.
I've fallen, I think, but if I only think then have I?
Shouldn't I know? When do I get that euphoric rush and knee weakening punch that let's me know this is real love? 
We've celebrated a year of being together, but with lockdown there are several months that don't really count, we live apart and can't travel, again. You're happy doing your own thing, so I do mine, don't want to bother you.
My mind races but I can't work out what you want, what I want, where we're going. 
You've accepted my child more than I could ever have hoped for, you are incredibly patient at coming second to him and I am so grateful. We've have wonderful family adventures. Maybe I'm mistaking this gratitude for love. 
But is that enough?
We've not yet said the magic words, but do we need to?
How long do I keep waiting to see if we get there? Will I know if I really feel it rather than a thin veil of disguised desperation? 
You've held back, we're not looking for the same thing. 
Maybe lockdown 2 will help remind me I'm enough without you. It's your loss, not mine.