Not yet

You had just left your wife and still living with her as you couldn’t afford to move out. We broke the rules to meet in the park. Instantly I felt safe and that I’d met someone important. You came back to my flat, and we kissed, and hugged, and ended up in bed. We didn’t have sex then. You couldn’t as it was too much. I didn’t tell you I’d never done this before; and that you were the first man to sleep in my bed. Yes, you stayed over that first night. 

Fast forward 4 months, and we’ve been having sex and sleepovers. Learning about each other and pushing our boundaries as we both struggle with sex and intimacy. You look at me like your world stops with me. You get chills when I touch you, and they’re just getting worse. You promised me you’d never leave, and you really like me, all of me. I really like you too. You held me as I told you how I struggled at work (I am in the NHS) and went through an adverse event. You told me I was incredible and brave for doing my job. I bought you tickets for Wolf Alice for your birthday and you told me to fuck off when I said you didn’t need to take me as it was so far away, we may not know each other then. Of course we’d still be talking then, you said before kissing me until I couldn’t breathe. 

But, you’re not ready for a relationship. You still look for friends on dating apps, which is how we met. You don’t sleep with them, only me. It’s fun. We are great together. I’m scared I’m in something that’s going nowhere. That our timing won’t match our chemistry. And I’m going to get hurt so badly. But you are genuinely the best thing in my life and I can’t let you go just yet. 
I can’t let go of someone who sees me better than anyone else.