Sweats, Head Rests, Chemical Bonds

Starting uni heartbroken was hard. The day I moved in marked a year of being single yet still I felt the pull back to my ex. I made amazing new friends, had a horrible kiss situation at a party and was crushing hard on two people that were both emotionally unavailable. Then comes the summer semester and so do you. You were one of the only people to talk to me during the vac, and unbeknownst to myself I started to crush on you as well. We came back to the city, full of stress and nerves about exams, but also excitement for the summer and actually getting to experience the city when it's alive, not just filled with depressed students that are running on 3 hours of sleep and unhealthy amounts of caffeine like it was the last 2 semesters. As per our new tradition, we baked together every Friday night, even when swamped with work. Ingredients shopping and booze runs became the norm and I still thought you were just one of my best mates.
Then a few weeks into this semester, you started putting your arm around me and resting your head against mine. This is friendly, right? Never mind that your hand was resting on my hip, that's just how it was comfy at the time, right? But why did it feel so good? We started to hang out even more, cooking dinner together and watching films at night. Film nights quickly transformed into cuddles and I just couldn't get enough. Friends could still cuddle, right? We were supposed to go out clubbing with our friends, but decided against it, watching The Story of Fire Saga on the projector in my room instead. You almost stayed the night, nuzzled into my neck as we were spooning. A few days later, you came over to cuddle again, no pretext or anything, just cuddles. This happened a few times until we kissed. Friday the 13th couldn't have been a more lucky day. You've stayed every night since and have been the most understanding and sweetest guy I could've ever landed. You've made me feel like no one else ever has and you've done things that I could have only ever imagined but was always too scared to ask anyone else to do. You almost worship me, my greatest insecurities are some of your favourite things and I've never felt more attractive than when I'm wearing sweats and all you can say is "You're so hot! What the fuuuuck? You're so hot!"
I'm scared of falling too hard, too fast for you, but when I see you smile, or laugh, or when you fucking cook with those hands of yours (he uses chopsticks to cook? 😍), or concentrate on some chemical bonds or equations, I can't help but smile like a maniac because I'm so fucking lucky to have you as mine. I can't say "I love you" yet, even though you have passively said it to me, it's too early. But God be damned if I don't think it often.