Til death

My heart raced.

It races everytime I see you, just like the first time I saw you after ten years, or when I woke up next to you this morning, but it raced exponentially as the minutes ticked away.

Lockdown meant ‘special and/or significant places’ in a relationship were almost exclusively contained to our house. Even though we were just out of all of that craziness, the house it had to be. The kitchen to be exact. The place where we probably had the (second) most fun in the last 18 months. The heart of our lives.

I had planned the date for a very long time. October 30th - As close to Halloween as possible without it being Halloween, as I like anniversaries to be their own special days.

The night was coloured with remnants of our formative years. You, dressed as Lady Gaga’s ‘The Countess,’ me as (very fittingly) Fred Durst’s ‘Dad Vibes’ owing much to our early 2000s rock/goth/emo upbringing. God, you looked amazing, you always do. Add in the black diamond ring adorning a skull topped candle with ‘Til Death’ on the side - The lovely woman on Etsy made one more of just for this - and everything was in place.

Candle in the cupboard, counting down until 23:50. The obvious, and only, nerves of just what if you said no. Everyone must feel that feeling, I’m sure. The microwave clock was burning behind me, more so than the candle and ring in the cupboard above, figuratively of course.

“Are you okay?”

It’s 23:51. Now.

“Yeah, I’ve got you a gift. Just a small gift.”

“Aw, it’s great, I love it!”

Definitely not the response I thought, until it clicked you hadn’t seen the ring.

I let my heart lead this one. All the words in the world I could bestow, I have the rest of my life to tell you.

“Marry me.”

When it clicked with you, you said yes faster than my heartbeat, which at this point was a fucking miracle as I thought it sending me straight to the Emergency Room with anxiety breaking through my ribs.

The relief, the joy, the happiness, the kisses, the tears, the celebration, the photographs, the love.

Every part of that night is burned in to my memories.

All senses heightened.
All expectations fulfilled.
All desires pleasured.
All wishes granted.
All dreams came true.

My heart is racing just typing all of this thinking of you as you lie next to me asleep looking so peaceful and so beautiful.

When I wake up tomorrow, it will race again.

Love, always. Til Death.