Time re-reading messages

Before lockdown 1 we had a fling. I was totally obsessed, you were a marine doing whatever and whoever you fancied. Restrictions gave you the excuse to stop seeing me but you kept in touch every now and again just to boost your ego. I know all this and yet I cant let you go. With so much time alone due to the never ending pandemic, I read back the messages that are entangled with lies. If I could just have normal life to take my mind off you and finally remove the rose-tinted glasses. I wish that you could give me the opportunity and chance to turn you down. Let me be the one who is done with it all. But instead I'm the one who is craving more, feeling lost, and wondering how many years this heartache will continue. When will I be able to see your face pop up and not feel the beats in my chest quicken. When will your double tap no longer be they main driving force behind every post. When?