Thoughts with the situation
I cried today.
It’s been two months since I last saw him. This is the first time I'm actually typing things out since it happened. I thought I was finally getting over this. Muting him out daily, trying to forget the feelings I once had. I never thought I actually fell this hard; I was wrong.
My head and heart feel just as confused as at the moment in time that I found out he’d been disloyal. It happened a week after my birthday, thankfully I exchanged that bracelet he bought me straight away. Why, I ask, did he buy it? To chuck money at me, make me happy and stop me from asking questions perhaps.
As the tears are growing, I can’t stop picturing his face in my mind, his smile, his muscled arms that used to wrap around me, now around the next girl. New project came to mind, but you deep down hope not, for her sake. Did she know about me? I wonder what was said when I showed up demanding the truth and she was supposedly there (the shocked facial expression I saw, hilarious). So many questions that I will never get answers to. There was another woman throughout this as well – if you couldn’t think the story could become more complex. She’s a lovely person, currently pregnant with her third child and he blamed everything on her. Diving deeper he clearly didn’t mind me questioning a pregnant woman about his infidelity but didn’t want his new woman known. She actually had nothing to do with it during my relationship. Just another lie to cover his tracks. Thankfully I’m not a home wrecker and would like to think there is no one like that until they know the facts. Something did happen between them but not during my time, which highlights his behaviour at the end of his previous relationship. There are more ins and out, red flags I should have picked up on. Worryingly I now think I’m not sure what his actually capable of and thankfully I will never have to find out.
What do I not have that she does? A thought that his previous ex of 8 years most probably had about me, when I think of it. There was an over-lap you see; one I wasn’t aware of. It started on lies and ended on lies. I questioned it at the start, but you only can go off the information you have. She’s also a lovely person, I’m in awe of her relationship with her best friends who gave me the truth, so I could move on. I feel guilt for what has happened and apologetic, but this was all him. He did what he did to her to me. There’s a pattern occurring: someone who can’t be by themselves and gets bored easily. It’s sad to think this single man can put a negative outlook on other women. It’s 2020 we need be lifting each other up, hearing their truth and not believing a manipulative narcissist. Thoughts are with his new situation.