It was perfect

We met end of last year, our first date lasted an unplanned 27 hours. It was the best day of my life, I didn’t mean to fall so hard and quickly for him while I was still working out how to properly and officially separate from my (ex-)husband who had already been living in another country. 
Our second date was on NYE and we had the best cheer to the new year and I met his family the day after. For our fourth date a week later we flew to Barcelona and made our 3 year power couple plan. I loved every bit of the following 2 months, but it was too perfect. The pandemic hit and with lockdown approaching I got scared and ran back to the only safety net I’ve ever known, the ex-husband. He understood given my marriage has been purely platonic for 5+ years, but lockdown lasted longer than we’ve ever imagined and when I returned in June I still felt the same for him but he had partly moved on without letting me know. We’ve been in this purgatory state for 5 months now where we’re asking each other to commit but neither is able to lower their wall. I want it to end. I don’t even care if it’s a happy end at this point, but I’m not strong enough to walk away. It was too perfect.