What I want

Without evenings spent frantically rushing home from work to shower then rush back out to meet Jack Hinge at Gordon's Wine Bar, I've had a lot of time to think. I've spent hours critiquing my thoughts, dreams and desires, I've combed over my sexual history with my therapist and asked myself what I actually want from life. I've discovered a lot. I no longer want a conventional, monogamous relationship. I no longer want to have children. I want to explore my sexuality, date women and men, go to sex parties and have multiple lovers. Lockdown One, Two and Three forced me to stop and reconsider everything I want from relationships. And I actually couldn't be more grateful for this forced celibacy. It's freed me from the shackles of my 'biological clock', of the incessant desire to find The One and of the conventions of a 'normal relationship'. So, looking back, I feel very lucky to have had this down time, it's opened my eyes to a world I never thought I'd have the strength to become part of and I'm excited. 

I feel more liberated and in control than I ever thought possible when it comes to my expectations and desires and dreams for love.